Somebodys lied to me the other day. It should not really be such a big deal. People tell lies all the time.
Except I do not like being lied to.
It was very obviously a lie because they had told my workmate the opposite of what they told me. How stupid is that?
I felt a little disappointed, a little betrayed when I found out. As I always do when people lie to me. How can you trust someone who lies? How can you have a meaningful relationship with someone who lies?
Someone in my family, I can't remember who, said you have to have a good memory if you are going tell lies. That is true, I believe. It is no good telling a lie and then forgetting what you said. How can you keep up a pretense, if you can not remember what pretense it is, you are trying to keep up?
It is also true if you are going to tell the truth you need to have a good memory. In fact if you are going to speak at all you need to have a good memory, else without really realising it and unintentionally, you could tell a lie.
That is why, while I do not like being lied to, I try not to get too obsessive about it. I do know some people who are rabidly vehement they hate liaring but with my own ears I have heard them lie. It was worth more than my life to point the lie out to them because they are so anti-lie telling.
However, I believe, they believed, they were telling the truth at the time the lie left their mouth. Their memory let them down.
And the conclusion I drew from little incidents like that is unless you have a photographic memory, the chances are, you are going to misrecall something that happened and tell a porky. And the conclusion I drew from that is walk humbly and be ready to be corrected if someone does catch you out. Don't be dogmatic. Don't be proud. Be willing to accept you might have got it wrong.
So while I really do not like lies, it is lies of the intentional, deliberate sort that really rotate my rotisserie. Lies that try and manipulate me into doing something I might not want to do if I knew the truth. Lies that only give half the picture. Lies that tell me what people think I might want to hear. Lies that are told by people too gutless to tell the truth. Lies that try to get my sympathy vote.
I try very hard not to tell these kind of lies myself and while I am committed to truth telling, I am not that deluded to think that if put under pressure I might avoid telling the truth. Be careful not to think you are perfect in case you stuff up.
I can cope with lies that are told in innocence. My memory is not as good as it could be. Sometimes I don't remember a situation the way others do. There is a chance I could tell a lie when describing something that happened.
But I would prefer people didn't intentionally lie to me unless they want to lose my trust.
PS. Mumma said a little white lie never hurt anybody but I am sorry Forrest on this occasion I believe Mumma was wrong. A lie is a lie no matter what colour it is. And that is all I want to say about that.
Saturday, 28 January 2012
Saturday, 21 January 2012
You are not in Kansas now Dorothy
I know it is a little zany but I like to drop one-liners from movies into conversations whenever I get the chance. I find it somewhat amusing. I do believe one has to create one's own fun sometimes in life.
It is amusing when people recognise the one-liner and laugh. It is also amusing when people do not recognise it and give you a blank look. I like to deliver my one-liners in the voice that mimics the actor or actress who first said it which could be one reason people give me a blank look if they don't recognise the one-liner. Mimicry is not something I am especially gifted at.
Franky my dear I don't give a damn is one of my favourites but you do have to be careful when and where you use it. I first watched Gone with the wind when I was 14 and it was a memorable life defining three-and-a-half hours-long, moment somehow. I think it was at the end of the movie when Scarlett said "tomorrow is another day" that cinched it as life defining. I saw the movie again when I was 24 and it still captivated me. However, and it is a very large HOWEVER, when I saw the movie late last year some 20 years since I had last seen it, I could have slapped Katie Scarlett O'Hara. Someone needed to. I could not believed how badly behaved she was. I struggled to watch it even knowing that two of my favourite one-liners of all time were coming up.
Now, there is a limitation with my one-liner collection because most of my one-liners either are found in Gone with the wind or Forest Gump. Not a serious problem if you have seen Forest Gump as many times as I have which reminds me I have not seen it for a while.
I have to confess I have seen that movie so many times I know parts of it off by heart. Who could forget such classics as Jenny and me were like peas and carrots, mumma always said life is like a box of chocolates, I guess sometimes there just ain't enough rocks, stupid is as stupid does, that boy is a running fool, run Forest run.
There are a few others I use but not as often as Forest Gumpers. Houston we have a problem, You're terrible Muriel, We're on a mission from God, Who you gonna call.
The best part about one-liners is fitting them into a conversation. It takes courage, especially if you are in a job interview and cerebal dexterity, but it really is very amusing and satisfying.
Now I wonder where I put that Forest Gump dvd?
It is amusing when people recognise the one-liner and laugh. It is also amusing when people do not recognise it and give you a blank look. I like to deliver my one-liners in the voice that mimics the actor or actress who first said it which could be one reason people give me a blank look if they don't recognise the one-liner. Mimicry is not something I am especially gifted at.
Franky my dear I don't give a damn is one of my favourites but you do have to be careful when and where you use it. I first watched Gone with the wind when I was 14 and it was a memorable life defining three-and-a-half hours-long, moment somehow. I think it was at the end of the movie when Scarlett said "tomorrow is another day" that cinched it as life defining. I saw the movie again when I was 24 and it still captivated me. However, and it is a very large HOWEVER, when I saw the movie late last year some 20 years since I had last seen it, I could have slapped Katie Scarlett O'Hara. Someone needed to. I could not believed how badly behaved she was. I struggled to watch it even knowing that two of my favourite one-liners of all time were coming up.
Now, there is a limitation with my one-liner collection because most of my one-liners either are found in Gone with the wind or Forest Gump. Not a serious problem if you have seen Forest Gump as many times as I have which reminds me I have not seen it for a while.
I have to confess I have seen that movie so many times I know parts of it off by heart. Who could forget such classics as Jenny and me were like peas and carrots, mumma always said life is like a box of chocolates, I guess sometimes there just ain't enough rocks, stupid is as stupid does, that boy is a running fool, run Forest run.
There are a few others I use but not as often as Forest Gumpers. Houston we have a problem, You're terrible Muriel, We're on a mission from God, Who you gonna call.
The best part about one-liners is fitting them into a conversation. It takes courage, especially if you are in a job interview and cerebal dexterity, but it really is very amusing and satisfying.
Now I wonder where I put that Forest Gump dvd?
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
How hard is it to be interested anyway?
I have had two rather burrzar conversations with salespeople of the male variety lately.
These conversations contrast badly with another I had.
It all started when I decided I wanted to update my laptop. However being a money conscious sort of a gal I decided I wanted to pay about $900 for a computer that was worth $1200.
I know that sounds incredibly naive of me and even a little scroogy perhaps. But not really needing one I decided I could bide my time and buy one for a price that suited me.
A major chain of appliance shops opened a store in my little town so I went in for a look. I told the young man exactly what I wanted and told him I was in no hurry - did he have anything in the shop fitting my requirements.
He was so polite. He showed me what was available. And then he remembered a special offer that finished yesterday which would have been exactly what I wanted. Bother I said. I would have bought that computer. He advised me to keep coming in to check on the specials.
I was very impressed with that young man. He went out of his way to be helpful even when I told him my unrealistic expectations.
In contrast to this are two male sales assistants I met last week. I told them exactly the same story and they did not give a monkeys. They shifted from foot to foot not really wanting to talk to me. One went back to unpacking boxes while I asked him questions. He was the one who asked me what was my occupation and did I realise they are lucky to make $50 on a laptop.
Who can blame them for their lack of interest? I don't really. I was very offhand and had unrealistic expectations. But what happens if I had been testing their customer service technique and if they passed I would have bought a computer from them anyway?
Or what happens if I had changed my mind about what I wanted when I realised I was not going to be able to buy the kind of laptop I was after?
I would sooner pay a little more for a laptop from the helpful young man than a cheaper one from those other two.
Which reminds me. I must remember to listen to people like what they are sharing is very important.
These conversations contrast badly with another I had.
It all started when I decided I wanted to update my laptop. However being a money conscious sort of a gal I decided I wanted to pay about $900 for a computer that was worth $1200.
I know that sounds incredibly naive of me and even a little scroogy perhaps. But not really needing one I decided I could bide my time and buy one for a price that suited me.
A major chain of appliance shops opened a store in my little town so I went in for a look. I told the young man exactly what I wanted and told him I was in no hurry - did he have anything in the shop fitting my requirements.
He was so polite. He showed me what was available. And then he remembered a special offer that finished yesterday which would have been exactly what I wanted. Bother I said. I would have bought that computer. He advised me to keep coming in to check on the specials.
I was very impressed with that young man. He went out of his way to be helpful even when I told him my unrealistic expectations.
In contrast to this are two male sales assistants I met last week. I told them exactly the same story and they did not give a monkeys. They shifted from foot to foot not really wanting to talk to me. One went back to unpacking boxes while I asked him questions. He was the one who asked me what was my occupation and did I realise they are lucky to make $50 on a laptop.
Who can blame them for their lack of interest? I don't really. I was very offhand and had unrealistic expectations. But what happens if I had been testing their customer service technique and if they passed I would have bought a computer from them anyway?
Or what happens if I had changed my mind about what I wanted when I realised I was not going to be able to buy the kind of laptop I was after?
I would sooner pay a little more for a laptop from the helpful young man than a cheaper one from those other two.
Which reminds me. I must remember to listen to people like what they are sharing is very important.
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
Pet hate number 1 after poverty injustice and greed
Fashion.
Well to be precise being told what is fashionable and only being able to buy clothes someone else thinks is fashionable.
All I want to do is buy lovely, comfortable, cotton checked shirts that keep me cool in summer and go with jeans, skirts or three quarter pants. The sort that are not tapered and stomach hugging. The sort that just sort of hang.
Is that too much to ask. Yes. Yes it is.
There is not a cotton shirt to be found anywhere.
(Except in men's shops and I would buy them but they are too big)
Being a I-do-not-conform-just-for-the-sake-of-conforming-kind-of-gal I don't give a monkeys what someone else thinks is fashionable. Cotton shirts are what I consider the piece de resistance of my wardrobe.
Because take away my qualifications, my clever wit, my extensive travel experiences, my sophistication, wit and aplomb I am just a simple, country girl.
WHO LIKES WEARING COTTON SHIRTS.
SHIRTS I SAID.
NOT BLOUSES.
Well to be precise being told what is fashionable and only being able to buy clothes someone else thinks is fashionable.
All I want to do is buy lovely, comfortable, cotton checked shirts that keep me cool in summer and go with jeans, skirts or three quarter pants. The sort that are not tapered and stomach hugging. The sort that just sort of hang.
Is that too much to ask. Yes. Yes it is.
There is not a cotton shirt to be found anywhere.
(Except in men's shops and I would buy them but they are too big)
Being a I-do-not-conform-just-for-the-sake-of-conforming-kind-of-gal I don't give a monkeys what someone else thinks is fashionable. Cotton shirts are what I consider the piece de resistance of my wardrobe.
Because take away my qualifications, my clever wit, my extensive travel experiences, my sophistication, wit and aplomb I am just a simple, country girl.
WHO LIKES WEARING COTTON SHIRTS.
SHIRTS I SAID.
NOT BLOUSES.
Friday, 9 December 2011
The inflationary power of words
I have recently been thinking about the power words have. Many years ago someone told me that if you use a word like war zone to describe a situation and the situation wasn't a war zone just by naming it one, it becomes one in your thinking. The effect of this can be rather depressing and self-defeating.
Being a lover of hyperbole and finding it funny to blow a situation out of proportion I realised I did this a lot. But I could see how negative that habit could be so from that time on I was careful to use words to accurately describe what was going on.
However, in the last few months I have noticed that I have again started to use words that exaggerate how serious a situation is. Disaster became one word I used frequently. It actually became a source of entertainment to me to call a situation a disaster. If I couldn't get hold of someone it was a disaster. If I ran out of coffee it was a disaster. I went from one disaster to the next.
Then people in my sphere of influence started to do the same thing. And suddenly we were all experiencing cataclysmic events on a regular basis.
At some point I realised it wasn't helpful to call a situation a disaster even if it was funny to do so. So I stopped doing it. But the people around me are still calling situations a disaster.
And I have to confess I find it a little depressing when they do so. It no longer seems funny. The power of words, eh?
Being a lover of hyperbole and finding it funny to blow a situation out of proportion I realised I did this a lot. But I could see how negative that habit could be so from that time on I was careful to use words to accurately describe what was going on.
However, in the last few months I have noticed that I have again started to use words that exaggerate how serious a situation is. Disaster became one word I used frequently. It actually became a source of entertainment to me to call a situation a disaster. If I couldn't get hold of someone it was a disaster. If I ran out of coffee it was a disaster. I went from one disaster to the next.
Then people in my sphere of influence started to do the same thing. And suddenly we were all experiencing cataclysmic events on a regular basis.
At some point I realised it wasn't helpful to call a situation a disaster even if it was funny to do so. So I stopped doing it. But the people around me are still calling situations a disaster.
And I have to confess I find it a little depressing when they do so. It no longer seems funny. The power of words, eh?
Saturday, 26 November 2011
Who dares wins
I have to confess to being a little obsessive and competitive when it comes to my garden.
I blame the weather. Not in a complaining whinging kind of way. No that would not do. But in a matter of fact this is the way it is, how I can I beat the weather and grow what I want, kind of way.
If the climate was reasonable and delivered adequate sunny periods followed by just enough rain to refresh the plants and keep them growing I would not be at all obsessive. If the climate did not send howling winds and pounding rain or if it did not serve up snow and frosts at unseasonable times of the year I would not be obsessive. But sad to say the weather around here is totally non-interested in playing fair and sends all sorts of isobaric challenges to confound the home gardener. And so I have resorted to obsessive tactics to get the upper hand.
Like making little plastic shelters for my plants and covering the ground with sheep dags to keep the heat in. It is of course questionable how effective these measures are. If I was really honest I would have to admit they are not really effective at all. The weather usually wins and it would be cheaper to buy vegetables rather than wrestle with the elements and try and produce my own.
However, while the weather seriously influences the success of crops like beans, corn, pumpkin and tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, cabbage and yams do grow well no matter what the weather. So I can win if I am selective about which crops I grow but there is not much of a challenge in that is there? And incidentally I should add broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, cabbage and yams grow well only if the foraging chickens do not scratch them up. Yes I battle chickens too.
My ultimate coup against the weather is growing chillis and okra. Impossible, I hear you exclaim. Not so. Last year I raised four okra plants and one chilli on the window sill at work. I took them on holiday with me over Christmas and brought them back to work in mid-January. They flowered happily and produced a crop which I joyfully ate.
Admittedly it was not a bumper crop but it still counted as a victory which makes me the vanquisher I believe.
I blame the weather. Not in a complaining whinging kind of way. No that would not do. But in a matter of fact this is the way it is, how I can I beat the weather and grow what I want, kind of way.
If the climate was reasonable and delivered adequate sunny periods followed by just enough rain to refresh the plants and keep them growing I would not be at all obsessive. If the climate did not send howling winds and pounding rain or if it did not serve up snow and frosts at unseasonable times of the year I would not be obsessive. But sad to say the weather around here is totally non-interested in playing fair and sends all sorts of isobaric challenges to confound the home gardener. And so I have resorted to obsessive tactics to get the upper hand.
Like making little plastic shelters for my plants and covering the ground with sheep dags to keep the heat in. It is of course questionable how effective these measures are. If I was really honest I would have to admit they are not really effective at all. The weather usually wins and it would be cheaper to buy vegetables rather than wrestle with the elements and try and produce my own.
However, while the weather seriously influences the success of crops like beans, corn, pumpkin and tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, cabbage and yams do grow well no matter what the weather. So I can win if I am selective about which crops I grow but there is not much of a challenge in that is there? And incidentally I should add broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, cabbage and yams grow well only if the foraging chickens do not scratch them up. Yes I battle chickens too.
My ultimate coup against the weather is growing chillis and okra. Impossible, I hear you exclaim. Not so. Last year I raised four okra plants and one chilli on the window sill at work. I took them on holiday with me over Christmas and brought them back to work in mid-January. They flowered happily and produced a crop which I joyfully ate.
Admittedly it was not a bumper crop but it still counted as a victory which makes me the vanquisher I believe.
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Testing one, two
I had a revelation this week I am hoping will help me deal with life better. The revelation was simply that each day a series of tests will come my way. The way I respond to the test will determine whether I pass or fail it. Staying calm, patient, polite and self-controlled equates to a pass and losing the plot, panicking, getting angry and rude is a fail.
I am sure I already knew life was full of little tests but as I was reminded of it again, I thought I had better take more notice of it this time.
It all started when things did not go to plan for some of the people who are part of my life. Safely from the sideline I watched them respond to various situations mostly with complaining and criticising. I thought to myself, in a sanctimonious sort of way, their response to what was happening to them was not helping them much.
And it occurred to me, as I watched from my comfortable chair on the sideline, life is a series of tests and challenges. The way we respond to them has the ability to either make us feel worse about the situation or help us come to a place where we find a solution. Sometimes there may be no solution but to walk through the situation. Whatever the case if we can respond calmly and not get too emotional or defensive then the situation will not threaten to swamp us and we will feel much better about ourselves. Because I think that is one of the biggest challenges of a test. I suspect the thing we have to learn to avoid in a test is the negative way it makes us feel about ourselves.When things turn to custard we often blame ourselves or end up feeling a failure or attacked or worthless. We also tend to attack others.
While I was pondering the subject of tests in other people's lives and feeling rather smug that I was not experiencing too many difficulties, things started to turn custardy for me. And I have to say it is much more fun watching other people being sifted than being sifted yourself. During a two day period at least three situations occurred that really challenged me. I noticed that even though it looked like I was passing the test on the outside, because I appeared calm and was not complaining, on the inside I was a dithering, woe-is-me mess. While my thoughts were in turmoil I was not good at relating to people and there was a greater chance I would say the wrong thing. I also noticed that that some tests were harder to pass than others and some required time and effort to pass. Tests could be as simple as responding to someone not filling up the kettle to as difficult as someone complaining about the way you completed a job.
From all my musings and philosophising about tests I have concluded that I am not that well-equipped to deal with them and need a plan to help me as they pop up in my life so I have developed a two pronged approach. Firstly I need to have my official position on tests sorted. I need to live my life with the philosophy that tests are inevitable but they are also good. I need to welcome and not avoid them. A test is an opportunity to stay calm in the midst of a crisis, an opportunity to stay self-controlled and practise patience. An opportunity to grow up some more. Secondly I needed to know what steps to take when a test appears. I decided a good response to a test would be to quickly take a deep breath and a step back from the situation and respond calmly with the thought goody-another-test-I-wonder- what-I-can-learn, before responding to the actual test itself.
It all seems a bit simplistic and naive to think that this two-pronged approach could work but I do not want to live my life being sabotaged and ambushed by things that happen to me. There seems to be something powerful and releasing about recognising life is not always easy and challenges will come my way. When a test does come, being able to identify it as such, seems to take the sting out of its tail.
I may not be able to control what happens to me but I sure can control how I will react. Responding calmly, patiently and politely is something I want to be consistently expert at and it will not happen unless I am purposeful and deliberate about it.
I am sure I already knew life was full of little tests but as I was reminded of it again, I thought I had better take more notice of it this time.
It all started when things did not go to plan for some of the people who are part of my life. Safely from the sideline I watched them respond to various situations mostly with complaining and criticising. I thought to myself, in a sanctimonious sort of way, their response to what was happening to them was not helping them much.
And it occurred to me, as I watched from my comfortable chair on the sideline, life is a series of tests and challenges. The way we respond to them has the ability to either make us feel worse about the situation or help us come to a place where we find a solution. Sometimes there may be no solution but to walk through the situation. Whatever the case if we can respond calmly and not get too emotional or defensive then the situation will not threaten to swamp us and we will feel much better about ourselves. Because I think that is one of the biggest challenges of a test. I suspect the thing we have to learn to avoid in a test is the negative way it makes us feel about ourselves.When things turn to custard we often blame ourselves or end up feeling a failure or attacked or worthless. We also tend to attack others.
While I was pondering the subject of tests in other people's lives and feeling rather smug that I was not experiencing too many difficulties, things started to turn custardy for me. And I have to say it is much more fun watching other people being sifted than being sifted yourself. During a two day period at least three situations occurred that really challenged me. I noticed that even though it looked like I was passing the test on the outside, because I appeared calm and was not complaining, on the inside I was a dithering, woe-is-me mess. While my thoughts were in turmoil I was not good at relating to people and there was a greater chance I would say the wrong thing. I also noticed that that some tests were harder to pass than others and some required time and effort to pass. Tests could be as simple as responding to someone not filling up the kettle to as difficult as someone complaining about the way you completed a job.
From all my musings and philosophising about tests I have concluded that I am not that well-equipped to deal with them and need a plan to help me as they pop up in my life so I have developed a two pronged approach. Firstly I need to have my official position on tests sorted. I need to live my life with the philosophy that tests are inevitable but they are also good. I need to welcome and not avoid them. A test is an opportunity to stay calm in the midst of a crisis, an opportunity to stay self-controlled and practise patience. An opportunity to grow up some more. Secondly I needed to know what steps to take when a test appears. I decided a good response to a test would be to quickly take a deep breath and a step back from the situation and respond calmly with the thought goody-another-test-I-wonder- what-I-can-learn, before responding to the actual test itself.
It all seems a bit simplistic and naive to think that this two-pronged approach could work but I do not want to live my life being sabotaged and ambushed by things that happen to me. There seems to be something powerful and releasing about recognising life is not always easy and challenges will come my way. When a test does come, being able to identify it as such, seems to take the sting out of its tail.
I may not be able to control what happens to me but I sure can control how I will react. Responding calmly, patiently and politely is something I want to be consistently expert at and it will not happen unless I am purposeful and deliberate about it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)