As a girl thinks so she is...

For the past couple of months I have been examining my thinking and despairing because the thoughts I have seem to be far removed from the kind of thoughts God wants me to have. The Bible encourages us to think like Jesus who lived a sinless perfect life. That tells me Jesus, unlike me, must have had his thoughts sorted. Our thoughts are very important. What we think determines how we feel, behave and what we say. For example if we have judgemental thoughts about others, our words and deeds will reflect this.

The Bible tells us that as God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts so are his ways also higher. At that point we could give up and decide we are never going to think like God. However, I believe God wants to renew my mind and transform my thinking so I have his thoughts. Then I will start to love people like he does. One way God requires me to love people is to show mercy but it is very hard to be merciful when one has judgemental thoughts. I need my mind renewed so I view people with mercy instead of judgement.

I have been reading a few books in my quest for wisdom as to how to change my thinking. I found one written by Firestone, Firestone and Catlett called Conquer Your Inner Critical Voice which has been very helpful. They identify that each of us have a inner critical voice in our head that controls much of our decision making and the way we respond to situations.  Many of us are unaware of it chattering away, as it is a well established part, of who we are. The voice is destructive, critical, accusing and false and often overrules the good we feelings we have about ourselves. 

If you doubt whether you have a voice like this try and discover what you are thinking the next time when something unexpected, embarrassing or disappointing happens. The chances are your inner critical voice will surface at this point to give you its demoralising perspective.

The critical voice is a system of thinking patterns we developed in childhood while we were learning how to cope with life.  It is made up of the conclusions we drew about ourselves from the way our parents treated us, the negative feelings our parents had towards themselves and each other, our parents view of life including the things they did not talk about which we absorbed by osmosis and the defence mechanisms we developed to help us deal with painful and stressful situations.

These thinking patterns became the way we learnt to respond to the different life situations we faced. It is our enemy because it will try and sabotage our true selves; the person God has called us to be. For example God may have gifted me with the ability and desire to be a brain surgeon. If I fear failing because of past experiences which led me to conclude I am a failure, there is playing in my head a little voice telling me not to be absurd.  I am not brainy enough to  pass the exams necessary. Therefore I never have a go at becoming a brain surgeon.

Often at work and in our relationships we revert back to the thinking patterns we developed as children to protect us but these old defence mechanisms can limit our ability to do well at work, handle success and relate well to others. It is vital we learn to recognise the inner critical voice and develop a new positive and creative voice if we are to achieve all God has called us to be and do.

There is no doubt that God has done a radical work of renewing my mind and transforming  my thinking in many areas BUT he wants to do more. I recognise that even though my inner critical voice is not nearly as influential as it used to be, it still has far too much say in the way I react. There is a lovely Bible verse in 2 Corinthians 10:4,5 that recommends we demolish the thinking patterns that set themselves up against us knowing God. That is a scary thought that my thinking patterns can limit my experience of God but I believe that is what the inner critical voice does. It is a series of thinking patterns that need demolishing and replaced with God’s thoughts which are truth and loving.

Now it is just a matter of identifying the times the inner critical voice is still at work and breaking the habit of thinking by reassessing the situation in the light of God’s truth and focusing on that.

Sounds simple really….

Jesus' Definition of Happiness

I have been thinking again  this morning about the beatitudes. You know the ones? Found in Matthew 5.

Matthew 5: 3 (NIV)  "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5  Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6  Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7  Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
8  Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9  Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
10  Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11  "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
12  Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Such fun all of them. All require God's grace and revelation to achieve, with knowing you are poor in spirit, being the key to them all. Don't think that you can be meek in the style of Jesus in your own strength.  Firstly you need to know that you are poor in spirit, that is do not have the resources to be meek and are  bankrupt of meekness. Then you need to ask for the grace to be meek. However, only do this if you are willing to persevere through trials to attain meekness. I suspect meekness and the other attributes are best formed in the furnace of affliction. 

I think these beatitudes represent the kind of mindset a good Jesus girl should have which means I need to have thoughts that reflect being poor in spirit, that mourn over sin, that are meek, merciful, peacemaking and pure. So when I persecuted for righteousness, insulted and lied about I will respond in the Jesus way. 

Myself at this present point in time, am more likely to respond with a woe is me, this isn't fair, what about me, kind of reaction. These are of course not in agreement with the beatitudes. If I am truthful I'm not even sure I want to be a living paragon of beatitude excellence. It sounds far too much like death to self to me.

However, somehow I need to get to the point where my mindset does reflect the beatitudes. I need to reach the head and heart space where I love being  poor in Spirit, love to  mourn, love being meek,  hunger and thirst for righteousness, love being merciful,  love being pure in heart, love being a peacemaker,  love being  persecuted because of righteousness, love being insulted and lied about. Why? Because when these things happen Jesus tells me I am blessed. Jesus says, “Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

Happiness believe it or not is being poor in spirit, mourning over sin and the rest.  It is not having a handsome husband, well-behaved children, a nice car, overseas trip, holiday home in the sun nor a beautiful house. 

Lower still honey

A quick skim over the posts I wrote over two years ago reveals to me I still seem to be dealing with the same issue of pride in my life. The need to keep working at humility seems to be  a re-occurring theme in my life. How low can you go?

Just when I think I am as low as I can go I am put in a situation where I start to defend myself or feel insecure. Pride rises like a fiery dragon and I go on the attack. Maybe not as aggressively as in the past but definitely on the attack.

Maybe I need to read this little piece I was given years ago every day for a while:

If we are to know humility, it means that we are dead to self. When you are forgotten or neglected or purposely set at nought and you don’t sting or hurt with the insult or the oversight but your heart is happy being counted worthy to suffer for Christ, that is dying to self.

When your good is spoken of as evil, when your wishes are crossed, your advice ignored, your opinions ridiculed and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart or even defend yourself but take it all in patient,  loving silence, that is dying to self.

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any unpunctuality or any annoyance, when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility and endure it as Jesus endured it, that is dying to self.

When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude and any interruption, that is dying to self.

When you never care to refer to yourself in your conversation or to record your own good works or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown, that is dying to self.

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met and honestly rejoice with him in Spirit and feel no envy nor question God while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances, that is dying to self.

When you can receive correction or reproof from one of less stature than yourself and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart that is dying to self.

Are you dead yet? In these last days the Spirit would bring us to the cross that I may know him being made conformable to his death Phil 3:10.(Author unknown).

Stop, come here, get back on the pavement

After the events of recent years I am beginning to develop a theory on the subject of humiliation. Why humiliation? Because this somewhat unpleasant topic seems to be one of the themes running through my life. I know this all sounds a bit morbid and self-absorbed but my theory does not involve me feeling sorry for myself. Rather it is me stepping back and figuring out what is going on. My theory contains observations of wonder and amazement at how something devastating, embarressing and potentially demoralising can do something magnificent in my character.

 As I am overlooked for promotion, ignored, watch others receive the praise that really was mine as well, or watch others get credit for a project they had little to do with, am denounced as having nothing to offer, put myself in a classroom to learn new skills, all of which can be  rather humiliating occasions, I have two options. I can either get bitter or better. Luckily without really realising it I have mostly allowed the experiences to make me better.

And the conclusion I have come to is  humiliation, if I let it, is the way I learn humility.

Now may I be so bold as to suggest we see this in the lives of people like Mother Theresa and Nelson Mandela. When Mother Theresa went to work and live on the streets of Kolkata with the poorest of the poor humiliation was her companion. Likewise when Nelson Mandela was unjustly imprisioned for a large portion of his life humiliation was closer than his shadow. However, both these history makers learned humility as a result and both are admired and respected for their contribution to humanity.  

Developing a theory on humiliation might be morose but I find it helpful because it prepares me to face humiliation face on and not to run from the lessons it has to teach me. Humiliation stops being an enemy when I embrace it and welcome the not so pleasant truths  it reveals to me about myself.

Maybe one day I will be so humble I will not even notice humiliation.

Cigarette?

I was sitting in a café and out of the window I saw three high school girls, walking past. In the eight seconds or so it took them to pass out of my view I noticed the girl closest to the street offer a three quarters smoked cigarette to the other two. Both declined the proffered gift. (I use the term gift very loosely)

Now appearances can be deceiving but it did look as if all three girls had been smoking the cigarette before they entered the part of the street where the café was. Otherwise why was the cigarette being offered? Who smokes most of a cigarette and then decides to offer it to companions?

Immediately I started to ask myself all sorts of questions. Like what sort of a pupil walks down the street in uniform smoking? What were they thinking? Why would any young person take up smoking when testimonies abound about how hard it is to stop and there is a regular bombardment of information as to how bad smoking is for you? Don’t they care how pathetic they looked? What were they hoping to achieve? What is the principal of the school’s phone number? Did the two girls refuse the cigarette because they saw me staring at them in stupendous wonder? Can’t young people think of a better way to rebel than smoking?

Were the girls participating in a social experiment to see what kind of reaction they would get to smoking in a public place? Where were the hidden television camera filming the response? Did they catch my reaction? Will a reporter come banging on my door demanding to know why I did not do something about the girls smoking? Is my chai latte gone already?

All good questions. And I do not know any of the answers except the principal's number is in the phone book and my chai latte which was warm and contained one third froth had indeed been quaffed. I do not know why it is so hard to get a hot chai latte that takes longer than two minutes to drink.

 

The power of the eyebrow

Did I ever mention the fact that I have a fascination with eyebrows? No? Well I do. I like checking out people's eyebrows. Eyebrows really are intriguing. Some are carefully coiffured with eyebrow pencil, some have been violently plucked into shape, some are untouched by human hand, some continue unhindered across the brow in a rebellious single brow and believe it or not some people do not really have eyebrows.

You would not know this of course unless you have studies people's faces the way I have.

I think my interest in eyebrows began with the Six Million Dollar Man. He could  lift one eyebrow higher than the other to give someone a puzzled, querying sort of look. I would watch all programme for the moment when that eyebrow would rise up. It was a very cool trick and I decided that was the kind of look I wanted to be able to give people. It took a while but I eventually trained the muscles on the left side of my eyebrow to go up and the muscles on the right to frown.

Aside from my triumphant eyebrow raising trick, the rest of the time nowdays, I find my eyebrows somewhat of a hassle. This is partly because for one birthday my brother and sister-in-law kindly shouted me a facial which included free eyebrowing shaping. I really liked the new shape but since that day I have felt duty-bound to pluck my eyebrows and keep them in order.

Unfortunately other the years my eyesight has deteriorated and so I need to wear glasses to see the hairs that need plucking. Not being able to see well has led to a few disasters when I have pulled out a few more hairs than the eyebrow technician did. So now my eyebrows are not as long as they once were which means if they grow back and I do not pluck them fast they look rather weird. Almost a bit Frankinsteinish.

I also can not see my eyebrows that well so I often forget to pluck them. It is fortunate really I do not have good eyesight because I think if I knew how Frankensteinish they looked I would be very embarressed.

You always.....

What I have noticed lately in life is human beans are particularly complaining sort of creatures. People complain about all kinds of things- some of which they have no control over it all. Like the weather. Complaining about the weather is an especially futile type of whining if you ask me. Does complaining about the weather change anything? Do the rain clouds take notice of the complaints? Does the sun resolve not to hide behind clouds any longer because of the comments it overhears? I do not think so.

 

I have decided never to complain about the weather again. Life is too short to spend time on matters I can do nothing about. Besides which whatever the weather does someone will complain. If it is hot people say it’s too hot or we need rain. If it rains people say it is too wet and we need to see the sun. I can see why the weather does it’s own thing- it is damned if it does and damned if it doesn’t.

 Another thing I have noticed about complaints is they are usually made to the wrong person. For example if I eat a meal at a restaurant and the cheese cake tastes like it was made several days ago, this is a true life story, do I

a)      take a bite and think this cheese cake tastes stale, refuse to eat any more and politely and respectfully report this to the waitress.

b)      eat the cheese cake anyway and the next day complain to my friends about what a stale tasting cheese cake it was.

The chances are I will take option b) to my shame.

Sometimes people make complaints about their workmates. Complaints about workmates fall into three categories.

1. Complaints that are justified.
2. Complaints that are only partly true.
3. Complaints that are false.

I regrettably have experience of all three. I have the following wisdom to offer about how to deal with complaints.

Category 1 complaints are ones that deal with our stuff-ups, failures or bad behaviour. My best advice is suck up your courage and fess up. Don’t deny it. Take responsibility like a big girl or boy and don’t pass the blame. Say sorry, promise to try better and if appropriate make restitution for any damage caused.

Category 2 is a tricky one to deal with because only part of the complaint is true but usually comes with emotional hype attached. If someone gives you a long list of your failings in a torrid verbal attack especially if they start the sentence with "you always…." it may take some sifting to find out what you should own up to. Also sometimes people jump to conclusions about a person’s behaviour and accuse them of a motive they might not have. eg "You never empty the rubbish tin because you think you are too good for the job." The truth may be you don’t empty the rubbish tin but because you forget or it is hidden from your sight or something. In this situation you can own up to not emptying the rubbish tin but not for feeling the job is beneath you.

Category 3 is when someone completely misunderstands your behaviour and jumps to scurrilous conclusions about your moral fibre and accuses you of shortcomings that would make Genghis Khan look like a saint.  My only advice is to thank them for sharing, which is an euphemism for dumping on you, and say you will give what they shared some thought.  Then go to Fiji for two weeks.

Sometimes we may feel the urge to complain about our workmates. I have some guidelines for this as well.

1. Figure out whether the complaint is a category 1,2, 3. If it is category 1 go to them and explain politely and respectfully how they stuffed up. Be specific. Make a list so you keep to the facts. Don’t get hysterical. If they won’t listen talk to the boss about it.

2. The chances are complaints in category 2 and 3 are not about the person’s failure to perform their job but more about our reaction to their personality. Sometimes unresolved issues in our own lives are triggered by someone else’s funny little ways. For example if someone’s comments make you feel stupid it may be because you feel insecure about how intelligent you are. Of course they could be playing psychological war games to make you feel stupid to keep themselves entertained during those long days in the office.  Whatever the case, figure out if there are any category 1 behaviours that can be addressed. If there aren’t deal with your crap and grow up.