You always.....

What I have noticed lately in life is human beans are particularly complaining sort of creatures. People complain about all kinds of things- some of which they have no control over it all. Like the weather. Complaining about the weather is an especially futile type of whining if you ask me. Does complaining about the weather change anything? Do the rain clouds take notice of the complaints? Does the sun resolve not to hide behind clouds any longer because of the comments it overhears? I do not think so.

 

I have decided never to complain about the weather again. Life is too short to spend time on matters I can do nothing about. Besides which whatever the weather does someone will complain. If it is hot people say it’s too hot or we need rain. If it rains people say it is too wet and we need to see the sun. I can see why the weather does it’s own thing- it is damned if it does and damned if it doesn’t.

 Another thing I have noticed about complaints is they are usually made to the wrong person. For example if I eat a meal at a restaurant and the cheese cake tastes like it was made several days ago, this is a true life story, do I

a)      take a bite and think this cheese cake tastes stale, refuse to eat any more and politely and respectfully report this to the waitress.

b)      eat the cheese cake anyway and the next day complain to my friends about what a stale tasting cheese cake it was.

The chances are I will take option b) to my shame.

Sometimes people make complaints about their workmates. Complaints about workmates fall into three categories.

1. Complaints that are justified.
2. Complaints that are only partly true.
3. Complaints that are false.

I regrettably have experience of all three. I have the following wisdom to offer about how to deal with complaints.

Category 1 complaints are ones that deal with our stuff-ups, failures or bad behaviour. My best advice is suck up your courage and fess up. Don’t deny it. Take responsibility like a big girl or boy and don’t pass the blame. Say sorry, promise to try better and if appropriate make restitution for any damage caused.

Category 2 is a tricky one to deal with because only part of the complaint is true but usually comes with emotional hype attached. If someone gives you a long list of your failings in a torrid verbal attack especially if they start the sentence with "you always…." it may take some sifting to find out what you should own up to. Also sometimes people jump to conclusions about a person’s behaviour and accuse them of a motive they might not have. eg "You never empty the rubbish tin because you think you are too good for the job." The truth may be you don’t empty the rubbish tin but because you forget or it is hidden from your sight or something. In this situation you can own up to not emptying the rubbish tin but not for feeling the job is beneath you.

Category 3 is when someone completely misunderstands your behaviour and jumps to scurrilous conclusions about your moral fibre and accuses you of shortcomings that would make Genghis Khan look like a saint.  My only advice is to thank them for sharing, which is an euphemism for dumping on you, and say you will give what they shared some thought.  Then go to Fiji for two weeks.

Sometimes we may feel the urge to complain about our workmates. I have some guidelines for this as well.

1. Figure out whether the complaint is a category 1,2, 3. If it is category 1 go to them and explain politely and respectfully how they stuffed up. Be specific. Make a list so you keep to the facts. Don’t get hysterical. If they won’t listen talk to the boss about it.

2. The chances are complaints in category 2 and 3 are not about the person’s failure to perform their job but more about our reaction to their personality. Sometimes unresolved issues in our own lives are triggered by someone else’s funny little ways. For example if someone’s comments make you feel stupid it may be because you feel insecure about how intelligent you are. Of course they could be playing psychological war games to make you feel stupid to keep themselves entertained during those long days in the office.  Whatever the case, figure out if there are any category 1 behaviours that can be addressed. If there aren’t deal with your crap and grow up.